Harry Potter: Hogwarts leaders’ least loved student *here’s the evidence*

On the surface, those atop the hierarchy of Hogwarts lauded Harry as both the saviour of the school & the world; and what's not to love about young Harry?

He fucked up Voldemort so badly that we can all say his name again. Like a wand wielding Edward Snowden he exposed the corruption within the the Ministry Of Magic. He killed it on (and above) the Quidditch pitch and consistently thwarted those quasi-goth dickheads in the Malfoy family. Shit, Harry even managed to bang his best mate's sister whilst remaining friends with him; that's a whole different kind of magic.

The students stood with Harry to fight the forces of evil and they genuinely cared about his welfare. It was an honest and pure display of friendship and faith. By contrast, the ruling elite at Hogwarts simply used him and his abilities to facilitate their own goals. Sure, they had a masterful PR campaign showing how "supportive" of him they were; but it was all a load of hogwash [see what I did there?]. They didn't give two shits about Harry and here's the evidence:

CASE 1: The Dursleys

The official party line was that Hogwarts "kept a close eye on Harry" while he grew up with the Dursleys as a part of the Muggle world. Where he stayed until he could join the wizarding world blah blah blah.

Ok Dumbledore. So, you and your crew knew how his life was going? You knew Vernon and Petunia Dursley constantly abused their nephew Harry and locked him under the stairs like a bespectacled Fritzl; and just let that happen? What the fuck is up with your crew mate? Aside from the outright parental abuse, you left him in a house with Dudley Dursely; easily in London’s all time, top ten arsehole children. May I ask why?

It's not like there were no empty rooms at Hogwarts outside of the school term. Hagrid was there, fucking about with the animals alone in his weird hut like a giant loveable Unabomber.

Argus Filch was there full-time. His only job seemed to be walking around being pissed off and looking for his cat (put a fuckin' bell on it dipshit!). I do like Filch; he has the demeanour, dress sense and personality of a crack addict going through withdrawals. He's all charm....

So, Albus. You're telling me neither one of these blokes could keep an eye on Harry in between school terms? How could they possibly do a worse job than the Dursleys? Basically, as long as they didn't go "catholic" on him it was always going to be a massive improvement on living beneath the stairs on Privet Drive.

This doesn't paint the picture of a staff who hold Harry Potter in high esteem.

CASE 2: Oculus Repairo

One of Hermoine’s first nerd-flexes in the world of wizardry is fixing Harry’s broken glasses (nothing to snicker at given she was but a muggle born n00b). It’s a very sweet gesture and it’s just a shame that the sweetness isn’t shared by the Hogwarts faculty.

Harry Potter spent seven years at Hogwarts. The Hogwarts Hospital Wing re-grew bones, reversed the petrification students and saved them from poisonings. Sure, they provided the bare minimum medical care to Harry Potter, but they weren't going to go the extra mile.

Harry had poor vision, that much is clear. At no point did they ever just fix his fucking eyesight! I would love lasik eye surgery, but I can't afford it. I'm a comedian and that's rich people shit. Given the opulence of Hogwarts surely cost wasn't the prohibitive factor. Not that it's a factor at all given magic is free.

At any point they could've mended his eyesight with magic and made his fight against the dark lord easier. They either didn't care enough to consider it, or did and just went "ahh fuck it. Let him go to war with evil wearing shitty, government-issued 1995 specials".

They hated Harry, they just needed him. Harry was like a prostate exam in their eyes. Necessary, but not something anybody wants.

CASE 3: Kid, go and live with the broke-ass Weasleys

The series consistently paints the Weasleys as the low class, dirt poor segment of the wizarding population. It's no secret. Yet, when Hogwarts finally says "alright, enough is enough"; and he's liberated from being a prisoner of the Dursleys, where does he end up? Slumming it with the Weasleys.

You can't convince me that the Howarts elite liked Harry. He's the only one who can defeat Voldemort, yet the minor improvement in his living situation that they allowed was just another slap in his scarred lil' face. From prisoner to living with the poorest family in their community. They kept the kid alive but fuck-me-sideways, they did the least they could do.

Not the actions of people who like Harry. He could have been living in luxury with any other family or teacher, but no. They simply say "piss off and live in the swamp with the red-headed bottom feeders". The heads of Hogwarts should be ashamed of themselves for perpetrating such discrimination against people who are poor. It’s gross, and in no way does it show an organisation that is fond of Harry Potter.

CASE 4: Lack of police checks

What kind of police checks were done on staff prior to their employment? It seems not much attention was paid to keeping Harry or the other students safe. When the headmaster of Durmstrang comes to visit he’s embraced by Dumbledore upon arrival. The man is a convicted felon. Doesn’t that concern you? Why is he working with children?

Multiple teachers at Hogwarts are legitimate psychopaths and even "good" teachers such as professor Snape end up slamming Harry against multiple brick walls just to prove a point. Is there an inquiry? Negative. It's swept under the rug quicker than an incident inside The Vatican City.

Another question; how many times did Harry sneak out to Hagrid's place late at night? I had a groundskeeper in primary school who used to have a student sneak into his shed to visit. It didn't end well for that student, and Mr Bull went to jail.

Luckily for Harry, Hagrid seemed like one of the more decent adults at Hogwarts. That being said, why was nobody else concerned that he was having children in his house late at night? In fact, at Hogwarts the kids were disciplined for sneaking out but nobody seemed to pull Hagrid aside and say "Yo, what the fuck are you doing with kids in your shack late at night man? Do we need to put CCTV cameras up in here?". Harry was but a child seeking answers and Hogwarts jumped straight to "victim blaming". It's despicable

If Harry is the hope the wizarding world needs to defeat evil, why even allow the possibility for him to be diddled in the dark by the giant grounds keeper? That's not how you treat someone you like. That's not how you treat a child in your care.

The Hogwarts head-honchos weren't fond of Harry, yet such was their influence that they fooled him into thinking that wasn't the case. Poor Harry developed such a strong case of Stockholm syndrome that he even named his second child after two of his oppressors.

The Hogwarts higher-ups took all the glory and provided Harry with the minimum care. They hated him, and that's just appalling. Something needs to change at that school.

Feb 6th 2022 — Hayden Douglas

Hi! I’m a comedian and hip hop artist from Australia (it’s like Texas without guns). My latest comedy single “He’s Not Even My Real Dad” is out on all platforms now. Have a listen and follow along on socials. Thanks for reading! Peace 🤘🙂🤘

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